Ummm.....Duh.

So everyone knows that I can be a wee bit sarcastic at times. But today, I'm pretty sure I took the cake. 1. I'm unsteadily balancing atop a 6ft folding ladder with shoe hooks in my pocket, boot clips on my sweater, a bracket in my left hand, a sign hanging out of my mouth, a hammer in my right hand, banging a bracket out of the wall when a customer approaches and asks, "Are you busy?".................really dumbass?? "Not at all.  Just hanging out. What can I do for you?" 2. As I'm unpacking a huge box of jewelry, wearing the rue21 lanyard, and placing said jewelry into the walls - "Excuse me, do you work here?"    "Nope."     She walked away folks...... 3. At the cashwrap I'm explaining the "buy a fragrance, enter to win a $500 gift card" promo when the customer asks, "What are my odds if winning?" "Well, that depends on the number of entries."  "How many people will enter?"............."4783, but 2 won't count." 4. My boss told me to have fun today.  There's a photo attached to this somewhere.... 5. At 5:59 a lady walks into the store and says, "Just give me a 5 minute warning." Confused, an associate says, "Warning for what?" She stated she just needed to grab one thing but she knew were closing soon and to give her a warning when we were closing. So IIIIIIIII said, "Well, you're about 5 minutes late; we're closing now." She sighed the MOST RIDICULOUS OVER DRAMATIC SIGH, so I said, "You can finish up though."  At 6:27 she said, "You guys should get a steamer, for your coats, but that would mean more work for you so forget I said that," but with a sarcastic tone.....naturally I jumped on this with, "Perhaps we could have someone come in a half hour after we close and do it for us."  She left. Happy rueDay.

Happy Halloween

This year was one of the first years that Lilly and I went trick-or-treating in Gram's neighborhood.  I was a little disappointed when while we were out, I discovered that a) so few people were out with us, b) so few people were handing out candy, and c) that Neighbor C was out...with her children...and their children...whom we ran into.  Here's a tidbit of our conversation:

Me: Oh, hi there.  Having fun?
NC: You could say that.  Just out wit the grand kids.
Me: That's fun!
NC: Only 4 more years with mine and then the neighborhood will be quiet.
Me: Are you guys moving? I'm confused.
MC: No.  My youngest turns 18 in four years and then all my kids will be out. Finally. I can't fuckin' take much of their shit anymore.  (In front of Lilly)
Me: Oh...well...good luck with that...we're going to go get more candy.

Keep in mind, we looked like this:

Lilly is a punk rocker 80's pop star..I am the queen.
(Actually, when a friend asked and there were no children around, I was the effin' queen LOL)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

And then we slept...

Ok.  Really we did a lot of things before we slept, but eventually Lilly and I attended the Smithsonian Sleepover in the Museum of Natural History.  If you ever get a chance to participate in such an event, please PLEASE take part.  Not only was it fun and a great bonding experience for Lilly and I, it was highly educational. 

We arrived about 6:45pm and checked in.  Now, I received an email Wednesday afternoon stating there would be a costume contest and participants - young and old, were invited to dress as something on display within the museum.  I posted on facebook....I asked around...and finally came up "The Hope Diamond".  How? You ask.  Like this:


Lilly as the Hope Diamond and myself as Evelyn Walsh McLean

Awesome right??  I stayed up to God damned 3:30 in the morning Thursday night making these costumes, along with the orange jack o'lanterns and pineapple ghosts for her class.  3:30 in the morning folks.  Why?  Not because I'm an overachiever looking for attention as some people may have suggested but because your children are only children for so long and its fun.  Its healthy harmless life lesson teaching fun and why the hell shouldn't I?

Unfortunately, I was the only one who saw it this was as we were the only family to dress up.  One mom wore cat ears and her kids had generic princess costumes on...not exactly what the email said....so they cancelled the contest and Lilly and I trampled around the museum like that all night.  I didn't care.  We were awesome and we knew it.

Ok.  So then we had orientation and a little snack of fresh fruit and crackers and coffee (for the grown-ups) and juice boxes and then separated into groups.  Our group met with Indiana Jane first who gave us a tour of the Human Origins exhibit.  What made it perfect was that she only showed PARTS of the HUGE exhibit and then had additional artifacts in her bag that the kids could handle and see and really get an appreciation for what they were learning about.  Then, they got to do a hands on craft and take it with them.  And candy. Because it was Halloween weekend ;-)  After that, we went from exhibit to exhibit, self guided, using a fun workbook.  Each exhibit had a page or two in the book that required the kids to read and pay attention but not in a boring way.  We hunted for mammals across the globe, dug for gems, ate like a T-Rex (think "look Ma! No hands!) it was sooo fun!  Afterwards, we changed into our pj's, waked around the museum barefoot to the IMAX theater, where we watched a 3-D film about orangutan and elephant rescues...and then made our way back to the Oceans exhibit.  We slept on the floor.  Under the right whale.  Well, the right whale tale...in case it fell....per Lilly.  I REALLY summarized it but the pictures are better.

Indiana Jane showing some artifacts.

Making her own mud cloth.

After learning about bioluminescence...we made our own sea floor creatures that use such a thing to see.

Experimenting with artificial whale blubber and ice water.

Eating like a T-Rex...no hands...attacking a campfire marshmallow!

Making Egyptian hieroglyphic necklaces.



In the morning we planned on touring DC further but Lilly was too tired...and so was I...so we headed home and that story was already posted...remember - "Mama, he looks cold!"

Our Trip to DC

In an effort to keep this story fresh and entertaining, I limited my facebook interaction the whole trip.  The story is long but its hysterical in parts...in most parts actually.  This is part one of the trip...the travel down there, our interactions in the museums, and the trip home.  Part two is the Smithsonian Sleepover which is dedicated to another post.  Read on my friends.


So, according to Google maps, it takes approximately 7 hours to travel by car with traffic, to Washington DC from my house. 

Norwich --> DC

So, I planned on leaving about 11pm Friday night to allow us PLENTY of time for traffic and pee stops.  By 9:45pm, Lilly was rearing to go, and honestly, so was I, so we headed out.  I stopped for fuel and coffee and were on the road at 10:01pm.  We got from Norwich to the “Welcome to New York” sign in just over an hour an a half.  Excellent!  We’re making fantastic time.  At this rate, we’re going to get to DC at like 4am…hmmm…..Oh, wait…spoke too soon.  As it turns out, Friday night is an acceptable time to close the New York thruway to ONE FRIGGIN’ LANE.  ONE LANE FOLKS!!  Took us 3 hours to get from  “Welcome to New York” to “Welcome to New Jersey”….there goes that whole making good time thing.  And then, just to add insult to injury, the freaking Jersey Turnpike is closed.  CLOSED.  Not one lane.  Not dead stop traffic.  Get-off-the-highway-drive-through-east-bum-nowhere-Jersey closed.  Fabulous.  We finally arrived at a rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike capable of traveling on the turnpike at 3am.  Ridiculous.  5 hours to get to God damned New Jersey.  Ugh....so we stopped and peed and I decided a little cat nap in the car with the car running for heat.  Two and a half hours later....thank goodness I was in a car that conserves energy when just idling.  So, at 5:30am, we headed off again.  Long story short(er), we arrived in DC at 9:00am, parked for $15 for the day and proceeded to head toward the National Mall. 


Now, being that it was October 29th, you'd think maybe it was a little chilly.  Nope.  It was FREEZING COLD at 33 degrees, and raining and windy....we were soaked.  We walked into a Dunkin' Donuts to grab a quick breakfast...and promptly turned around when I discovered that every homeless person in the immediate area was ALSO in the Dunkin' Donuts.  So, we continued toward the Mall and found mecca - Starbucks.  There's NO homeless in there.  In we go.  Restroom, scone, iced grande skinny mocha latte no whip, and an OJ later, we headed to the National Air and Space Museum.  There's no real stories in there other than Lilly and I thought it was cool....here's some photos though:

Investigating in the "What makes Things Move" exhibit

Inside of a space shuttle area....

The signs are self explanatory.

Next, we walked over to the National Museum of the American Indian.  Now, for those of you who don't know, Lilly is a member of the Osage Indian tribe...1/32 to be exact.  Enough for recognition, not enough for funds.  It is a very small tribe based out of Oklahoma.  Here's some more information Osage Nation  We actually found a children's book titles Meet Christopher: the tale of an Osage Indian boy from Oklahoma which naturally we picked up.  While we were there, we investigated the new Horse exhibit...right up Lilly's alley.  Then, there was an exhibit for kids just being put together...here's some photos of that:

Playing the Quiz Game

Basket weaving...REALLY BIG BASKETS

What animal sound am I?

Building an igloo

Our new house!!!

Down in the central rotunda of the museum, there were some women demonstrating bead work.  They were showing how they make beaded jewelry, wall hangings, horse face masks, all kinds of things.  Both women were wearing dragonfly earrings and necklaces.  Lilly immediately noticed and started chatting with them about how our family believes the native American belief that dragonflies are the souls of the deceased and that Daddy comes to visit ALL THE TIME in the form of a dragonfly.  I can't begin to tell you the number of times that Todd  flew in for family celebrations and such...and just hung out...its incredible.  So the ladies thought it was fascinating and they spoke with Lilly for quite a bit of time.  As we were leaving, one of them tapped Lilly on the shoulder and stating, "Anyone who has a connection as strong as you, should have this," and took her necklace off her own neck and handed it to Lilly.  Lilly was speechless, I was crying, and the woman just smiled and walked away.

Next, we went over to investigate the National Museum of Natural History quickly.  We also ate lunch in the Fossil Cafe....a $30 lunch that consisted of a salad, a bowl of soup, a roast beef sandwich, two sodas, and a rice crispy brick:

The only photo I will share NOW from this museum is of the Hope Diamond...the best piece for us in the whole museum...

After this we walked over to the National Museum of American History...and my phone died and the camera was in the car...so there are no more pictures.  There is however, an funny little story.  As we left the museum, we decided we would take the Metro from the Smithsonian, to the L'Enfant Station, transferring to the Red line, and then to Chinatown, which is very close to where we were parked.  Welllll.............neither Lilly nor I were really paying all that good of attention and a 10-15 min subway ride ended up being like 45 minutes...LOL.  Oops.  Hey...it was fun.  Also, we got a great view of the Washington Monument in the snow...yup...SNOW.  Who'd a thunk it..."I'mmmmmmm.....dreaming....of a white.....Halloween...????"   Anyway, back at the car, cold, wet, tired, and anxious, we drove to the Natural History Museum, received our special parking permit, and began the next phase of our journey...which I will post about later, as I have Gnomeo and Juliet cupcakes and a messy bedroom that require my attention. First I will enlighten you about our trip HOME.  Once again, it started off in a gas station refueling...in Washington DC...at 9am...on a Sunday.  Should be mellow right?  Hahahahah....we walk into the station (because I wanted a bottle of water too) and standing at the counter is a male dressed in drag wearing a VERY short skirt and fishnets.  Now, I'm pretty liberal so this bothers me none.  Lilly sees him...or her...whatever...looks at me and says (while I'm praying its nothing offensive), "Mama, he looks cold!"  Before I could even think of a response he/she turned around and says, "Little one, you have no idea! Tights was not smart honey."  Lilly giggled, he/she smiled, and we refueled.  After that, it took 6 and half hours to get home, no traffic at all....and was actually a very boring ride.   Ok, cupcake time.