Love and Basil

So, as all of you know, I was accepting to culinary school back in April.  I was supposed to start on May 2nd, but that gave me a month to find ans secure funding.  YEAH RIGHT!  So, I postponed my start date to the end of August.  Then, I vigorously began searching for grants, scholarships, low-interest loans so that I could actually pay for culinary school.  Well, because I already have a BS in Biology, the US government said NO WAY to any federal grant money.  So, that left me applying for, and being denied, private grants.  Also, unless I am a high school senior, part of a minority group, or a veteran, finding scholarships is difficult - now I know there are scholarships out there FOR EVERYTHING...the thing is you have to read the fine print.  A lot of them are not applicable if you are attending a TRADE SCHOOL.  Post-secondary education is considered wither a Masters program or PhD program.  Last I checked, there weren't many Masters of Cookies degrees out there (although, I'd totally love to walk across a stage and receive a diploma from the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  Just sayin'). 

I look for jobs here and there but I'll be honest, I've been slacking.  Most of the cooking jobs, even low man on the totem pole cooking jobs, are either looking for someone with experience already or the hours aren't conducive to having children.  And, let's face it, I decided I wanted to do something I love AND spend more quality time with Lilly.  If the new job doesn't allow that then its not a good match.

Monday, Caity forwarded me a job posting for "Baker" in Niantic, with a phone number.  Job requirement: must be a good baker.  That's it.  No "experience", no cooking school, no nada - you just had to be good.  Well, not to toot my own horn but I'm good.  (TOOT TOOT!) So, I called them up, told them I was interested, and they said, "Well, come one down and bring us a sample of your work."  I asked if they were looking for breakfast type pastries or cake like goods, they said muffins, danish, etc....so that's what they got.



Blueberry cream cheese pastry.



Chocolate chunk scones and coffee cake muffins.

I'm still waiting to hear back but the lady I spoke to seemed very impressed.  Apparently everyone else who applied brought A MUFFIN, A SCONE.....

So, the day before, Lilly was all excited that I would be baking all night that she started making up her own recipes.  She was determined to create something.  She came up with confetti cake batter mixed in one bowl, brownies mixed in another bowl, and then poured, simultaneously into the baking pan to create a confetti cake brownie.  When it's done, top it with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, a cherry and sprinkles.  And then she says, (cutest thing EVER), "But Mama, don't forget the secret ingredients....."  "What's that I ask?"

"Love....and basil."

I love her.

Yogurt and Sass

So all of you who have read any of my blog posts or even Facebook status updates know that Lilly, no matter how much I love her, can be a royal pain in the you-know-what.  Most of the time, she's this sweet, caring, give the shirt off her back little girl who just wants to love and be loved.  Sometimes, however, she's......well......a sassy little witch.  (SMH)

So let's get the whole story as to why this is important.  On Sunday, I realized we were out of peanut butter and since Lilly pretty much only eats peanut butter sandwiches for lunch at school, this meant we had to run to the store to buy some.  NBD, off to ShopRite we go, grab some peanut butter and other such things, and home again.  Monday, she was ridiculous in the morning: put her shirt on inside out, socks were all smooshed in her shoes which were untied, hair not brushed.....just a hot mess.  Anyway, I packed her a peanut butter sandwich, strawberries, fruit snacks, yogurt, and 2 chocolate chip cookies.  Now, the rule in our house(s) is that if you come home with a practically full lunch box, you either eat what's left for dinner, or tomorrow that's what you bring to school again.  Also, if something new is presented to you, you must at least try it and decide whether or not you like it.  Well, when Lilly came home from school Monday, all that was missing were the fruit snacks and cookies.  So needless to say, the rest were dinner for her.  WEEEELLLLLL....this just pissed her right the hell off.  Screaming and crying and carrying on about how she hated that yogurt (new flavor BTW) and it was disgusting and blah blah blah...she was sent to her room TWICE to pull herself together and both times.......EPIC FAILURE. 

So round three I went to get her and all I said was, "Lilly, I just want you to try the yogurt.  That's all.  Just try it." Well, if that little girl didn't look me SQUARE IN THE FACE and say, "I don't care what you want.  I don't want to try it so I'm not gonna. {insert giggle here}."

(dramatic pause to let you GASP outloud.................................) Were she an adult speaking like that to me, I'd have probably punched her.  No worries though, I took a deep breath, gathered my anger in a neat little ball of fire in the pit of my stomach, and walked outside.  About 10 minutes later, with a lowered blood pressure, I went to Lilly's door and said the following in the coolest, calmest, scariest Mom voice I have ever used: I want you to get up, go to the table, and eat your dinner.  You will eat every last bite of your sandwich, your strawberries, and your yogurt.  When you're done, I'm going to give you another yogurt.  And should you ever speak to me like you just did, ever, EVER again, the Lord as my witness, I will make your punishment so severe that you will never utter another word to me other than yes ma'am and no ma'am for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

A little harsh? Maybe. Did it get the point across? Sure the hell did.

So she walks to the table, sits down, takes a bite of the yogurt and says with ALL KINDS OF EXCITEMENT, "Mama! This tastes like Rita's!"....................................Lord help me....

Until next time.

The Cake Lady can Kiss my

CAKE!  So, this Thursday marks Kristle and Tim's last days at the Gap, store #2316.  Together, they're embarking on a great journey to Boston.  To celebrate their time spent at our store, I thought originally to host a BBQ...but time being what it is, there just wasn't any that we could ALL pencil in.  So my next thought was to bring in food, pot luck style, but really, it would be expensive and the food would go bad before we ate it all....so it hit me - CAKE!  Who doesn't love cake?  Kristle had asked me to make cupcakes...and so I did. 

I created the coolest cakes for the occasion combining cake AND a BBQ.  Fried chicken, potato salad, veggie platter, and of course, ants on a log.



Lemon flavored Jell-O with frozen lemonade infused for "sparkle" and lemon rings.



Fried chicken cupcakes.  Lemon flavored cupcakes with a donut hole on top, frosted with vanilla frosting and topped with graham cracker crumbs and a white chocolate "bone".

Ants on a log....piped with black frosting on a log cake.  Chocolate pound cake smothered with whipped peanut butter frosting and rolled into the log.  Frosted with chocolate frosting.  Topped with meringue mushrooms.



Ambrosia disguised as potato salad. 



Vegetable platter: confetti cake covered with white fondant.  Green white chocolate lettuce leaves (yes, I made them), orange fondant baby carrots, red fondant cherry tomatoes with piped stems, white chocolate cucumber rings (I used a sand dollar candy mold), and airhead candy broccoli and cauliflower stems with fondant tops.

This was, by far, my personal best in the confectionery department.  I am working on a few more little projects but this one needed to be uploaded first.

It only seems reasonable...

1)...that my dog doesn't conform to "normal" dog development patterns.  She STILL chews everything...she STILL gets waaaayyyy to excited about silly things.  She still HATES the mail man and the couple that live across the street (of course, so do most of the neighbors.....)

2)...that I can't apply for a Pell Grant for culinary school because I already posses a Bachelor's degree.  I mean, why give me more money to further my education even further when we can so much more easily give federal money to unwed mothers of 5 children by five different baby-daddies who don't work at all and smoke a pack a day?  I'm just askin'......

3)...that it took me breaking into the office at the fire house (okay, technically I had a key but...I shouldn't have a key...and I don't know WHY i have a key...) to "fix" the Internet.  **SIDE NOTE: the INTERNET does not break people...the modem gets disconnected or a cable gets unplugged....or you don't pay your bill and the cable company shuts off your connection to the Internet.  If the actual Internet broke....well, it just can't okay....  In any event, 3 WEEKS AGO, I asked for someone to get the cable adapter from Comcast and to update the virus protection on the computer, AND no one did it.  I did.  Then, the Internet "broke" about a week ago and guess who fixed it..I did.  You're welcome. Idiots.....

4)...that I have 9 containers of children's clothes stock piled in my basement (after already giving away 4) in the event that I should have more children.  Its been 8 years....there's no more babies coming.  AAAANNNDD even if I do miraculously have more children, it'll  be so new that  there will be a shower and gifts and new styles and I'll end up getting new stuff anyway.  But there will not be any more children....

FINALLY, 5) it only seems reasonable that after 5 weeks of running 3 times per week, doing strengthening exercises 3 times per week, and cutting out a lot of refined sugars.....that I would remain the SAME EXACT FRIGGIN SIZE AND WEIGHT THAT I HAVE BEEN FOR MONTHS!!!  Ugh........I increased the calorie intake because I thought, well, maybe I'm not eating enough and I'm in starvation mode...    I cut back the calories because I thought maybe I'm just eating what I'm burning off and its not changing anything....  So frustrating.  Time for a personal trainer maybe??? But, being that I am the 12th alligator in a swamp built for 11....it only seems reasonable......

Easter

When did this holiday become a gift giving holiday?  I mean, aside from the jelly beans and chocolate bunnies, when did kids get to hand you a wish list for gifts?  Ridiculous!  I had a customer the other day who spent a little over $200 on clothes for a 3 year-old girl for Easter....gifts...not an outfit...not because she was less fortunate and needed clothes...but to put in her Easter basket along with the jelly beans and chocolate bunny.  That'll be the day.  Lilly is getting a new book (She gets them every other week anyway), jelly beans, and a plant - something she'll have to be responsible for - not just because it's a holiday but because we're trying to teach Lilly about responsibility and consequences.  Even then, I think the book should be separate. 

What are your thoughts on Easter gifts?

Random Thoughts from my Brain Tonight

Tonight is one of those nights when my brain is flooded with completely random thoughts.  Here, I will share a few.

First, I worked tonight and Tim felt it necessary to sing Britney Spears...outloud...and now I too, am singing Britney Spears. Here, have a listen:

Second, I disclosed some fairly private information to said Tim tonight...not because I felt he needed to know more than anyone else, but because I had to tell SOMEONE. It was one of those tidbits of information that were it as simple as "I won $1,000,000" you'd shout it from the roof tops but you can't really say anything yet, so the first person you see that you trust gets to be secret keeper. He better keep it secret....

Third, I promised Lilly that I wouldn't clean her room. That's right - I'm going to leave the massive piles of stuff exactly as is until she returns because "it's her room", and she can, "leave it a hot mess with toys everywhere", if she wants too. THIS IS KILLING ME! I CAN'T STAND IT! UGH!!!!

Fourth, I JUST realized Idol was on tonight and I missed it. That blows. I actually kind of like it this season. I missed it last week too. Ugh.

Fifth, I think I'm going running tomorrow morning if anyone would like to join me. Say....10 o'clock? Nothing big....30 minutes and home again. Let me know.

34897256038465, I bought gas today for the Jeep. I usually fill it at a half but I let it run allllll the way down this week. $78 later....Friggin' Jeep. Can't wait to get rid of it.
OK, I think I'm done. Lissa, I'm sorry this is a lame post.

MEANEST MOM EVER!

Ahhh parenthood.  The joy it brings to...oh please...this parenting stuff is HARD WORK!  And sometimes, I feel like the harder I try to be "a good parent", the more difficult my child gets.  Take for instance, last Saturday.  I picked Lilly up from Cait's only to learn that Lilly was, in essence, PMSing, and was bitchy as all get out.  Great.  So this continued all evening and into Sunday.  Well, I repeatedly have to ask Lilly to do very complicated tasks such as brush your teeth, pick up your dirty laundry, take a shower....get dressed into CLEAN clothes (I swear sometimes she's a boy).  So, Sunday I repeat myself again, only to discover that because she was too involved in a highly educational episode of SpongeBob, she missed the tag of "We're going to the dog park, put on the play clothes I put out for you," and comes dressed to the nines....wearing the dame undershirt and underpants she had on the night before.  Her hair wasn't combed, and her boots, were just that, boots, not her play sneakers.  So I sent her BACK to her room to start over.  Much commotion and tears later, she's ready to go and I am mean.  Well, this pissed me right the frig off so, being the mean mom that I am, took away the computer, DSi, and TV for a week, called Cait and said none of those things could be used at her house either, and was done with it.  (THIS DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT, go over well). 

Fast forward to yesterday.  Its Sunday, its sunny, its 56 degrees outside.  We're going out.  Well, all she did was bitch and moan about how "its too bright" and she "didn't even have shades on" and all she wanted to do was "play in my room away from you".....well,this again, ticked me off, so the more she complained, the longer we stayed out.  Two hours later, I decide its lunch time so we can go in - BUT, we need to shower.  "Are you serious Mama?  I hate taking showers.  I took one yesterday!" (before playing outside Saturday night and today).  Just get in the dang shower Lilly.  This branded me "THE MEANEST MOM EVER" title.  One I wear with pride.  If I'm the meanest mom ever because I made you play outside in the sunshine and made you take a shower before feeding you lunch, call DCF and be done with it. 

The kicker is that 4 hours later, I'm being told I'm so awesome because apparently I agreed to throw a birthday party for Kristen Stewart this Saturday.  Yes.  An actress.  That we don't know.  Because Lilly is obsessed with her this month and read alllllll about her in TigerBeat Magazine.  She spent about an hour with my mom at her store yesterday and came home with Twilight themed paper goods and everything.  Also, I will be preparing Miss Stewart's favorites for this party..........which will consist of myself, my 65 year-old mother, and Lilly, in attendance.  But I'm the meanest mom ever right????  

UGH.  The joys of parenting    :-)