OMG

So first off, I would like to apologize for my lack of writing.  This whole "big girl job" thing is sucking the life out of me and I'm not even 2 full weeks into it.  Oh well.  Sooooo.......where to start???  Hmmm.....I guess we'll go alllllll the way back to Thursday, July 9th, as that's where I left off.

Lilly's class hosted a luau at St. Joseph School.  It was fantastic.  For the event, we had to sign up to bring treats for the kiddos, so naturally I made cake.  Duh.  I made a pineapple cake (looked like - not tasted like) and lei cupcakes.  The cupcakes I was proud of.....the pineapple melted a little so I gave it a C+.  It still looked amazing and I was happy with it.  Here are some pictures of the day:

My melting pineapple...notice the elephant skin.

The Cake prior to adding the stamens on the flowers.  LOL - just sounds dirty.

A finished hibiscus

One of the luau dances.

Another luau dance.

Mrs. Pisarz and her niece who REALLY didn't want to dance...

Friends and family, handpicked by the students, to also dance

St. Joseph's second grade class 2011

Let's see.....hmmmm....boring details....blah blah blah.....BEACH PARTY!  Friday night Lilly's friend Kyle and his amazing family hosted an end of school beach party for the 2nd and Kindergartners.  Of course, I once again made cupcakes.  This time, they were beach cakes. 

Beach cupcake cake.

Second graders and Kindergarten - class of 2011

Clearly, she didn't have any fun.......

Hmmm....Oh and Friday was also Cam's 13th birthday so I made him this baseball cake.  Yum.

That Saturday we went to Lissa and Michael's house for their annual birthday, summer, pick-a-reason picnic.  Can you believe I DIDN'T make cupcakes????  WHAT????  Nope.  Instead I made deviled eggs.  Deviled eggs?  That's boring.  Silly reader, I didn't just make deviled eggs - I made basil, garlic, and bacon deviled eggs.  I hate deviled eggs but these, these I ate.  A lot of them too.

So the next exciting thing that happened was that I finally got a start day for the new gig - rue21.  I am the Full Time Assistant Store Manager.  Who?  I'm #2 in command when shit hits the fan.  Basically.  If you're not familiar with the store, its a teen based retail shop that is steadily growing.  Low prices, high fashions.  That's the deal.  THEN, to make it even better, I agreed to help my friend Crissa and her shop POSH in a new adventure.  Every Friday night from 7-9pm the shops on Cottrell St in Mystic hold a Friday Night Social....special deals in the shops and tasty treats for the customers - supplied by ME!!  This past Friday I supplied Crissa at POSH with lemonade cookies, Shades of Mystic with vanilla pound cake cupcakes with strawberry buttercream frosting, and the Riverside Outdoor Shop with Mediterranean Herb cheese straws.  I have no photos.....the process was stressful because I waited too long to produce it.....reference my FB page.

In any event, Then I started my job.....work, clothes, boring.....I have no good details other than MY shop opens June 30th at the Crystal Mall, Waterford.  COME VISIT ME!!

8 Things Your Child Says or Does that You Know He/She Got From You

In keeping with my weekly "8 Things" posts regarding Lilly, her "isms", and being 8 years old, I bring you: 8 Things Your Child Says or Does that You KNOW He/She Got From You.

1) Lilly asked why I had wrinkly pants, I told her, "I'm too lazy to iron them maybe, I don't know".  When asked why she had dirty laundry on the floor and not in the hamper several hours later she replied, "Maybe because I'm too lazy to throw them in the hamper, I don't know."

2) While watching the littles the other night, Em told a little white lie about showering - Lilly looked at her, cocked her head, and asked, "Really Em?  Really?"

3) While walking from the car to the house after school, she tripped dropping her backpack, drink, and cell phone (We'll discuss that later, its not important right now).  She threw her hands and face in the air and growls, "Ugh!  Seriously? I just wanna get in the house!"

4) Put on any form of music and watch my child dance...then watch me....same same. But, its not this bad:

5)  ....I forgot what I was saying......Juuuusssttt liiiikkkkeeee Lilly does......

6) "Yes Mama, I'll eat that if you pack it in my lunch. I promise."............6 hours later, "Lilly, why didn't you eat the ____?"  "I don't like that."   ((Same week Gram asked what I wanted on my sandwich - tomatoes?, sure.  I picked them off.  Gram asked "Why didn't you eat the tomatoes?"  I don't like them.))

7) Lilly has more "boyfriends" than she does "girlfriends".  I honestly have NO IDEA where she got that.......eh hm......ahhhh.....moving on......

8) Everyone knows my dog's behavior isn't perfect.....well, so does Lilly.  When the dog kept jumping on and off the bed and then finally knocked her jaw on the edge of the bed, Lilly looked at her and said, "Well, numb nuts, that's what ya get."

And with that, I wish you all, Good-night!

How I Spent My Saturday Night

So most of you have caught the Facebook status updates but, in case you didn't, I'm going to tell you all about my weekend in Cougar Town.  LOL....okay, it definitely sounds better to me because I was there, but man, the stories are just too funny not to share.

Saturday evening was a dinner fundraiser for Cam's baseball team, the CT Capitals.  It was held in Glastonbury at the Irish American hall...kind of like the Polish club but, well, Irish.  In any event, we discovered last minute (thank God we found it out too) that it was a "casual" event.  Well, apparently a few in attendance missed that memo.  Some of the outfits these women were wearing were incredible.  Picture this dress:

On any one of these bodies:

Okay, so maybe not that bad......  That's who was dining and dancing with us Saturday night.  You see, SOME of the guests were parents of the players.  The MAJORITY were people who bought tickets at $50 a hit to attend.  There were at least 60 people there who didn't even have kids much less ever watched a 12U baseball game....ever.  Oh, and did I mention there was open bar....all night?????  EXCELLENT!  Let's get these cougars DRUNK!  The average age of the women in attendance was about 45.  More makeup, hair product, and plastic was there than woman.  They were throwing drinks back like they were water, hardly eating (gotta keep up the girlish figure), and then...the band started.  Man oh man.  The band was Major Motion and the lead singer made it look as though he wanted to.......well.....ya know....every broad in the room.  And trust me, every broad in the room was eating this up.  Well, in between sets the DJ played Latin music.  Why? I don't know.  But the cougars LOVED this.  They were out there swaying their fat asses like it was their job.....thank HEAVENS it wasn't.  {{insert vomit sound here}}  It was horrible.  At the end of the night, there was one women, who came alone, and nobody claimed to know....dancing all by herself on the dance floor.  Now, in order to appreciate this I need to do a visual....{the comments I post next are not intended to judge, make fun of, or disrespect people with special needs in anyway and therefore, I apologize ahead of time if it does}  Picture if you will, a heavyset 40 something, hair in a 1980's banana clip - most of which has fallen out of the clip, stained pants from a spilled drink, and black Sketchers Shape Ups....   Now, give this woman CP (I know...I'm sorry....truly, truly sorry) aaannnnddddd cue the music.  It looked like she was having a friggin seizure.  And because no one knew her, or claimed to know her, no one stopped her...allllllll night.  So Frankenstein-the-woman proceeded to dance her heart out.  Finally, at the end of the night, someone saw her home. God bless her.  We left after the raffle....thoroughly entertained.  Well worth the $50.  Well worth it. 

A Bitch Session

I haven't bitched about things in a while, so I'm going to get a few things off my chest now.  First, who in the hell decided that it was socially acceptable to wear your friggin pajamas out in public?  I don't care if its 2am and your baby needs Tylenol.  I don't.  Put some friggin jeans on, grab a BRA - your boobs are not acceptable hanging around your knees no matter what time of day or night it is - and would it kill you to run a brush through your hair?  Ugh.. Drives me insane.  The only time its acceptable to be in public in your pajamas is when you are 3 years old, and its PJ day at pre-school.  That's it.

Second, just because you have a dog, it doesn't make you a dog lover.  Dog lovers don't tie their animal outside for hours on end where it has limited access to water, food, shade, etc.  Dog lovers don't let their dog bark constantly hour after hour after God blessed hour.  I sleep with my dog.  I bake special treats JUST FOR MY DOG.  I threw her a birthday party for God's sake.  If Maddie is outside for any length of time, so am I and you had better believe that there is always ICE COLD water for her to drink, a soft place for her to lay down, and a shady spot to sleep in.  If Maddie is barking, I immediately investigate WHY and make her stop.  Obviously something is up.  I share ice cream with my dog and not like, oh, I don't want to finish this, here, you have it, share...I mean you have a lick, I have a lick.  I realize that that's a little extreme for some but truth be told, dog's mouths are very clean.  I walk my dog, run with my dog, take my dog to the friggin park...she's basically my other child.  If you can't own up to any of these things, you should seek another family for your dog because it is suffering.

Ok, my third and final bitch, if you are unemployed, and have bills to pay, there is NO EXCUSE not to find a job.  I'm not saying you should become a brain surgeon or find a cure for cancer.  The gas station down the street is looking for attendants.  The garbage company needs trash collectors.  Get a friggin' job and shut the hell up.  Take the shitty ass job for now, and when something better and more suitable comes along, stitch.  Nothing says you have to be a gas station attendant forever.  But, you do NOT get to complain that you have no money and can't pay your bills if you're too good to become temporarily employed somewhere.  OH, and further more, if you are unemployed, and too proud to take a shit job for a short time, DON'T YOU DARE go down to the SSA office and apply for food stamps, WIC, health insurance.  I bust my ass at those craptastic jobs so I can AFFORD to pay my bills and put food on the table not so you can be a lazy fuck who sits around drinking beer and smoking cigarettes (which I paid for - you're welcome).  Those shti jobs, in my opinion, will humble your ass and help you appreciate the good things in life.  AND, they build character, something you clearly don't have. 

I'm sorry...I got a little fired up there for a minute and I apologize but man, that burns me the wrong way.  Ok.  I'm done now.  I'm going to bake banana nut bread!

8 Ways Your Child Can Embarrass You

I've decided that Lilly being 8 years old is the PERFECT age for "ism's".  You know, random things you're child says or does that only they could pull off.  I've also decided that in honor of such a fun age, I will write a weekly post dedicated to it.  This week's post is...."8 Ways Your Child Can Embarrass You".

1. Remember when you were cursing out the dog last week?  You remember, she stole your shoe and than ran all over the house refusing to drop it and you, the stupid human, followed her from room to room to room until you caught your toe on the stove and swore up an down at the God damned mother humpin stupid friggin dog........and then remember how your 8 year-old was standing there watching with that WTF look on here face?  Oh, wait, no....that was me.  Well, insert Lilly and I into that scenario and then fast forward about.....3 days.  We're at the store and Lilly is being a goof ball and stubs her toe on the floor.  Yup - you guessed it - starts swearing up a blue streak but Lilly-style - "Jesus! That freakin hurt, stupid darn floor!" So I turn red because naturally, there are 500 people in the aisle we're in, and tell her that she can't say things like that, it's inappropriate......she says to me, of course, "Well, why do you say them?".  "Because I'm adult I tell her.  Just because you hear me say things doesn't mean its okay for you to repeat them."   Then, without skipping a beat, looks at me and says well its a good thing Maddie can't talk 'cause you say those things to her all the time!"  Never clarifying that Maddie is in fact, a dog......time to go.....

2. "Mama, are these the wet wipes you use after you poop or do you want the extra-strength ones?"....shouted from one end of the paper aisle to the other while in Stop&Shop.

3. When Lilly was 3 years old, I used to let her pick out her own clothes.  We were in Wal-Mart for something....pull-ups I think...and walked by the most HIDEOUS purple camouflage short and T-shirt set, made out of that shiny basketball short material.  Well, if Lilly didn't fall in love with it.  So I told her, against my better judgement, that she couldn't have it because it would make her look like trailer trash.  I know.  Awful.  There was no need for that.  I apologize if you live in a trailer park....its nothing against that...its the ones that give said trailer park the trailer trash name.  You know EXACTLY who I'm talking about.  Well, Lilly asked what that meant and I said, "Dirty, cheap, uneducated....you don't need it."  Fast forward 6 months.  6 WHOLE MONTHS! We're in ShopRIte and we walk past a lady who was practically as wide as she was tall wearing a tent, I mean dress, and had hair down to her ass, thin, scraggly, unwashed....you're getting the idea.  Lilly looks at her, looks at me, and says (in her loudest "talk") "Mama, is she trailer trash?"..........excellent.

4. I once made the mistake of commenting on the hygiene practices of a certain friend of mine in front of Lilly.  Well, Lilly was with me not 3 weeks ago and says, "Mama, is that the one who needs to take a bath?"

5. We're at a get together not too long ago and my friend is trying desperately to hook me up with another friend of hers.  He nice looking, has a job, has his own place and a car (my standards have been GREATLY reduced) but, he's just not my type.  Lilly has been, although I don't realize it, listening to most of our conversation, and pipes in with, "But Mama, I thought you said you wouldn't date him even if he paid you...".  Crap, hope he didn't hear that.......10 minutes later he walked over to me, handed me a beer....and a $5 bill and asked, "Is that enough?"   Ugh....

6. I had company over about 3 months ago and Lilly had spent a good 20 minutes in the bathroom.  She comes out finally and asks me if I had a match.  A match?  "Lilly, what on earth do you need a match for?  You know better than to play with fire!"  "To light a candle in the bathroom Mama.  I pooped and it stinks and that's what you do after you poop, is light a candle."  Excellent.

7. We were in the mall returning a few things one day and a young girl walks by us.  Now, she was definitely attractive, I'll give her that, but the way she was dressed, made her look cheap.  No longer attractive in my book.  I said to Lilly, "Please promise me that when you get older, you won't wear cheap stuff like that."  Lilly took a few seconds to look at the young girl and turned to me and said, just as the girl was walking by us, "You mean like that girl Mama?"  Glad that the girl kept walking, I said, "Shhh....not so loud.  We don't need everyone to know that I'm talking about someone.  What if it hurt her feelings", I said?  Lilly thought about it and then said, "Mama, you always tell me that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything."  True story.  I have told her that.  So, I admitted my fault, and apologized to Lilly for being mean and we continued on our way.  Well, as luck would have it, as we were leaving the mall, we cross paths with the same girl, who is now with who I assumed to be her boyfriend.  Lilly, with all her bad timing, says, "Mama, she doesn't have cheap clothes on.  That shirt was in that store's window with a $30 sign on it."  Ugh...keep walking Lilly....keep walking.....I still don't know if she heard it.

8. So everyone at this point knows that I'm unemployed. Not really my choice, but just the way the ball bounces.  So, naturally, we're doing less things that cost money right now because of the limited income situation.  So we're chatting it up with a friend of mine that I wouldn't mind getting to know better, and the person suggests we all meet up at the grinder shop near the beach and then heading to the beach.  Now, I know that this is going to cost a little more money than I'd like to spend but when you're trying to get better acquainted with someone, its fine.  Well, Lilly, being 8, hasn't learned this yet, and piped up with, "Mama, doesn't have a job.  We're not supposed to eat out until she gets another one."  No big deal.  That's what I told her.  So I say, "That's true but we've done a good job of following that rule so far so I think it'll be alright this time."  Well, Lilly took this totally the wrong way and retorted with, "UGH! Mama!  That's no fair!  I wanted to go to McDonald's and said we didn't have the money for McDonald's and now {person's name here} asks you out and you say yes?!?!"  My face turned like 15 shades of red....and the person who did invite us is red.....thinking the trip is off, I start to say something like "maybe another time then..." but they got to it first and said, "Well, what if your Mama makes the lunch because she's so good a cooking and I'll spring for the beach entry fee?  Would that be fair?"  Lilly thought about it and finally says, "Whatever.  As long as you guys don't kiss in front of me It'll be fine."  Excellent Lilly.  Excellent.